The Houston Texans are on a bye this week, and that likely means you're wondering how you should spend your Sunday afternoon this weekend. Do you get out of the house for a little bit, whether it be to run those pesky errands or hit up brunch with some friends? I mean seriously, who doesn't love bottomless mimosas and some sort of fancy twist on eggs benedict that may or may not include a delectable addition like a crab cake?
Do you get around to that yardwork you've been meaning to do but putting off for the last few days because yardwork is the worst? Or maybe you catch up on some movies you've been meaning to watch? I personally spent one off day this week doing an in-home double feature of The Amateur and Longlegs, and I would absolutely recommend both of those films.
Or hey, you're likely in the state of Texas, so maybe there's a rodeo going on this Sunday afternoon you can head to. Actually, is that an offensive stereotype to assume there's always an ongoing rodeo in Texas? If so, I apologize. I've never been to a rodeo. In fact, my experience with the rodeo is limited to scenes in the movies Twisters and Nope, along with any instance where Johnny Knoxville tussled with a bull on Jackass.
There's also the chance that you're like me, and that means that just because your favorite team isn't playing this weekend, it doesn't mean you aren't going to spend 10 straight hours watching football on Sunday. If that's who you are, then you've come to the right place, because I've put together a comprehensive guide of what you, as a Texans fan, should be rooting for this Sunday and Monday across the entire National Football League.
Let's get to it!
Week 7 NFL Schedule
Denver Broncos vs. New York Jets
With this game being played in London, England, this will be an 8:30 am local time kickoff in Houston. Honestly, I wouldn't advise you set your clock to wake up specifically for this game unless you plan on putting some money on it, which I'd also advise against, but hey, if you're asking for my opinion, I'd suggest grabbing the Jets +7.5 just for the possibility of a late-game backdoor cover.
But hey, if you turn up on Saturday night and don't have any cash hanging in the balance, just sleep through this one. You won't be missing much except for the opportunity to root for the New York Jets to pull off an upset and improve the Texans' chances of snagging a Wild Card berth at season's end.
Suggest Rooting Interest: New York Jets... or whoever you bet... or you could just catch a few extra Z's and go into the week ahead well-rested.
Los Angeles Rams at Baltimore Ravens
I don't even know that you're rooting interest for this game matters, because as we saw last weekend when the Texans went into Baltimore and earned their first road win against the Ravens ever, this skeleton crew of a Ravens squad isn't beating anybody that's even halfway competitive.
The Rams are more than just halfway competitive, and in any instance where you can back an NFC team over an AFC team, that's probably the angle you want to take for the sake of the Texans' postseason chances.
Suggested Rooting Interest: Back the Rams in this one, if only because you'll feel good about yourself when a team you're rooting for gets a win.
Dallas Cowboys at Carolina Panthers
CJ Stroud and Bryce Young are boys, and although I'm not a Texan myself, I imagine there's lingering bad blood between the fanbases of the Houston Texans and Dallas Cowboys. This one's easy.
Suggested Rooting Interest: Carolina Panthers for the reasons stated above. Plus, who the hell wants Jerry Jones to be happy anyways?
Arizona Cardinals at Indianapolis Colts
Now I know what you're thinking here... I'm backing Arizona because there's no way in hell I'm rooting for a team in the Texans own division. Hey, I get it, but can I offer you a slightly different approach to take here?
Fire up your favorite sportsbook app and bet the Indianapolis Colts moneyline in this game. Chances are, given the way both the Cardinals and the Colts have been playing as of late, Indianapolis will win quite easily and you'll make some money from your couch on Sunday afternoon which can go straight into your crab cakes benedict budget.
But worst case scenario, the Cardinals pull off an upset and the Colts, currently 4-1, drop down to 4-2 for the season, narrowing the gap for your beloved Texans.
Suggested Rooting Interest: Bet the Colts, cheer for the Cardinals, and you'll end up winning one way or another.
Seattle Seahawks at Jacksonville Jaguars
Take nearly everything I said in the previous section and apply it to this game if you'd like, though following an emotional Monday Night Football win over the Kansas City Chiefs just a few days ago, I wouldn't be surprised if the Jags had a little bit of a letdown game against a 3-2 Seahawks squad that might be much better than their record suggests.
Suggested Rooting Interest: On Sunday afternoon, for all intents and purposes, you're the 12th Man for the Seattle Seahawks.
Los Angeles Chargers vs. Miami Dolphins
Honestly, as I watch this game, I'll just be rooting for Justin Herbert and Tua Tagovailoa to both make it out unscathed. I feel like a mom watching her middle schooler play JV football every time Herbert or Tua take a hit.
Suggested Rooting Interest: Two healthy quarterbacks, but also the Dolphins.
Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers
You aren't really going to root for Aaron Rodgers, are you?
Suggested Rooting Interest: The Cleveland Browns, because Aaron Rodgers is not their starting quarterback.
New England Patriots at New Orleans Saints
In addition to the fact that the Patriots are one of the handful of AFC teams who the Texans could end up competing against for a spot in the AFC Playoff picture, can I selfishly ask that you root for the New Orleans Saints in this game, if only because I had the chance to interview veteran defensive end Cam Jordan a few weeks back and he's one of the nicest and most charismatic people I've ever had a conversation with?
Suggested Rooting Interest: I'll be cheering for the Saints, but if you for some reason want to back the Patriots, just say a few good things about Cam Jordan throughout the game for me. Actually, who am I kidding? Nobody outside of New England is rooting for the Patriots in this game.
Tennessee Titans at Las Vegas Raiders
Your third and final chance to root against an AFC South foe this weekend comes when the Titans visit the Raiders, but boy oh boy, these two teams are in such disarray, I wouldn't get too emotionally invested in the Raiders here. Geno Smith can dash those hopes as just as quickly as Pete Carroll can chew the flavor out of a piece of gum.
Suggested Rooting Interest: Cautiously root for the Raiders, but maybe just keep your eye on Ashton Jeanty and enjoy the experience of watching one of the league's best young running backs.
San Francisco 49ers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I know there's probably some lingering bad blood related to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers right now considering what happened on Monday Night Football back in Week 2. But putting biases aside, Austin, Texas native Baker Mayfield may be the most entertaining player in the NFL, and hell, he might be on his way to one of the most improbable MVP seasons in league history. He was practically out of the NFL just three years ago!
Despite the fact that the Bucs are 4-1 and Mayfield is top ten in passing yards, touchdowns and passer rating, you can still get Baker at +750 to win MVP. I'd suggest jumping on that and rooting for the Bucs in this excellent late afternoon game.
Suggested Rooting Interest: The Bucs, but more specifically, get that bet in on Baker Mayfield to win MVP before his odds improve.
Cincinnati Bengals at Green Bay Packers
Once again, for the sake of the Texans, you should always lean NFC over AFC. However, there's one little known amendment to that clause... if 40-year-old Joe Flacco has the chance to beat a bonafide Super Bowl contender twice in the same season with two different teams, you must be in support of that happening no matter what two non-Texans franchise are involved in the game.
For real, this would be objectively hilarious.
Suggested Rooting Interest: The Cincinnati Bengals, because it's the rule.
Week 7 Primetime Matchups
Detroit Lions at Kansas City Chiefs
My goodness, what a doozy of a Sunday Night Football Game we have here. Even if you've got errands, brunch or a rodeo planned for the afternoon, I'd advise getting home for this game. It's a virtual must-win game for the Chiefs, but there may not be a team in the league playing better than the Lions.
More than anything else, I'll be rooting for a nail-biter of a game and at least a half-dozen plays that make Cris Collinsworth sound like he's getting the best back rub of all-time. And yes, 'back rub' was my attempt to keep this joke PG.
Suggested Rooting Interest: Back the Lions, unless you're a Swiftie, in which case you're obligated to root for Travis Kelce and the Chiefs while listening to The Life of a Showgirl on repeat.
Buffalo Bills at Atlanta Falcons
NFC over AFC rules apply here, but one of my best bets of the week would be the over in this game. Falcons at home + Bills in a dome = more than 50 total points scored. I've already got money on this one.
Suggested Rooting Interest: Falcons I suppose, but take my advice and hammer the over.
Chicago Bears at Washington Commanders
If you've made it the final game of the Week 7 slate, I just want to say thanks for sticking with me here even though there was very little Texans content within this column. Hopefully you've been properly entertained and have a solid grasp on what you should be rooting for this weekend.
If it's not too much to ask, I have one more request of you...
Suggested Rooting Interest: The Chicago Bears, because I'm a lifelong fan.