Texans Fans: It’s time for you to report to “Fan Training Camp”

(Blowing whistle loudly) HEY!! You guys…yeah you…get on the field! It’s football time! We have to start now in order to get you guys in shape for the season. We’re going to walk through a season preparation checklist for you.

The Texans open training camp next Saturday, August 1st at the Methodist training center, which is adjacent to NRG Stadium. If you have not already acquired training camp tickets, which by the way, were gone approximately 6 minutes after they were released, no worries, you can still get into regular season shape by taking these simple steps:

More from Houston Texans News

• Houston Texans: Can Sean Payton really be the next head coach?
• Houston Texans Draft: Michael Mayer should be a no doubter at pick 12
• Houston Texans already telling fans the Davis Mills era is over
• Houston Texans have hand forced, waste no time in firing Lovie Smith
• Houston Texans: Pros and Cons of keeping Head Coach Lovie Smith

1. Learn the roster: While certainly it is unrealistic to expect the average fan to know the intricate details of every single player on the 90 man roster, it is, however fair to think that most true “fans” would know what key acquisitions and losses occurred on their favorite team’s roster going into the season.

Nothing can be more embarassing as a fan than to mention an individual who is no longer with the team in a discussion. You also need to observe the position battles that are most critical to the success of the team.

This year, it’s very simple: Brian Hoyer vs Ryan Mallett for the starting quarterback role. For some of you, it really would behoove you to understand that there are other players on the roster besides J.J. Watt.

2. Learn the rule changes: Each year the NFL competition committee meets to discuss adjustments to the rules of the game. This year the most notable changes are the “catch completion process” and the revision of the spot of the football for an extra point attempt

3. “Look like a fan”: Get your gear together! If you have not purchased any gear or accessories in a while, make sure that you have current attire that represents the team. Someone is probably reading this article right now and had plans to sport their Matt Schaub or David Carr jerseys today.

Sorry to break the news to you guys, when you see people in public give you a glazed stare, it’s because we’re laughing internally (and sometimes out loud) at the fact that you actually think that it’s cool to wear outdated gear.

For the extremists, originality is key! Anyone can don face paint or accessories, but it’s critical to have your own “fan gimmick”, such as these guys that I had the pleasure of interviewing last season:

4. Gameday accommodations: For the grillmasters, tailgaters and even table-gaters, it’s important to make sure that you are making the most of these 16 Super Sundays! Don’t be the guy or gal who ends up grilling quinos on game day because you didn’t plan ahead! This is the time to evaluate whether or not your grill is good enough to make it through the season. If you are not in the mood to grill yourself, you can also employ the services of a caterer or a restaurant. If you’re in the Houston area, let me tell you that the brisket lasagna and smoked mac & cheese at SmokeHouse Bobby Q are LEGENDARY! Here’s a link to their Facebook page

Also look at the condition of coolers, lawn/patio furniture and game day activities such as ring and bean bag toss kits. If there is any uncertainty then the time to buy is now!

5. Sign up for fantasy football and/or pick’em leagues now. The worst thing that can happen is to be forced into a league late during the preseason because you simply didn’t plan ahead. If you are planning to play in a payout league, there are several fantasy football tools to help you decide which players to draft, start and sit.

Ok you have your battle plan. Now let’s go, get those knees up…get out there and enjoy this season! (Blowing whistle)