Texans Make Blockbuster Trade for Tom Brady

In a deal that shocked the NFL world, the Patriots sent Tom Brady to the Texans in return for J.J. Watt and a number of players and picks.

The NFL never ceases to amaze. The Texans continued their quarterback overhaul with the latest shocking deal on Friday as the Patriots and Texans swapped two of the best players in the league as the Texans acquired Brady in return for Watt, Brock Osweiler, first round picks the next two seasons and a second rounder in 2018.

Apparently the rift between Brady and Texans head coach Bill O’Brien will not be an issue. “It’s not a big deal to me, we all get caught up in the heat of the moment and when you have the chance to acquire a player like Tom who is as accomplished as he is with four Super Bowl championships, you have to take that chance.”

DeAndre Hopkins was ecstatic to hear the news, saying “This is a great team we’re building here but to have a quarterback of his caliber really inflates our morale as a team.”

Bill Belichick simply said, “We’re moving on to the next quarterback.” Then, for the first time ever, he cracked a smile and screamed into the microphone, “but we got J.J. Watt! You all thought we didn’t have a plan when we traded Chandler Jones away, didn’t you all?” He then proceeded to start the Harlem Shake on stage, quickly being joined by Rob Gronkowski twerking and then the rest of the team joined in.

The fact that the frugal Patriots would take on Osweiler’s contract is most surprising. They had restructured Brady’s deal so that he was being paid less than Osweiler. But Belichick was so enamored with Jimmy Garoppolo that he couldn’t resist the chance to bring in another quarterback that resembles a beanpole. With the first round pick they have acquired in this year’s draft, the Patriots are looking at drafting Paxton Lynch.

One last thing to say on the deal is…April Fools! Hope you all enjoy the rest of your day of mischief.